he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
