she looked like the before picture.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
