would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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