cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
