i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
