he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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