Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
