you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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