This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
