Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
