remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
