that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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