White coat. Heels.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
