He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
