You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
