I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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