Will you blow on my dice?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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