why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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