I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
