this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
