Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
