i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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