can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
