my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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