How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
