Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just invented taco cereal.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
