you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
