as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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