i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
