All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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