I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize