Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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