remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
