i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
