Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize