I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
