nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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