You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
