So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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