For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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