The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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