This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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