Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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