Sponge bath it is.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
