R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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