what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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