so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize