Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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