She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
