used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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