she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
