Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
