Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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