What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize