maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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