when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
