The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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