we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
