Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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