I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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