There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
