We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
