I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
