take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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